monkeycrazygod

” Some people will trick you and once you realize you’ve been had, well all you can do is laugh, there is no turning back the clock. So when I’m older I wont even remember the boy who lied to me over and over again for his personal benifit. His friendship was once a dream of mine. Sometimes failture isnt a bad thing, it’s just expanding a dream based on new circumstances.”  Last night I had my first meeting with all my artist and team members working on my label. We talked about dreams and fighting for them but how sometimes it was best if we just stepped away. That quote is part of a speech I gave them about my ex best friend( he was being a jerk all week and we live together so Im stuck here till June when the lease is up) He’s freaking out about the drip burners on the stove. Like if thye get a little dirty he freaks out cuaz he bought them. Today eh literally took them out and left them on the stove so I could see them. So today Im going to buy more then Im goign to take his and put them on his bed. He can keep them perfect in there. Im tired of being nice to im. The other day he looked sad so I bought him some flowers he pretty much just said they were pretty no even thank you. He never said thank you for a lot of things I did for him. I’m still bitter now I know this but Im happy because Im not longer sad Im just mad. So soon enough Ill be completely over it. This would be easier if I didnt live with him. Im seiously considering going to ask how much it would be to buy out of our lease. Well its not that bad hes gone most weekends.

Anyways he’s taking up too much space on my blog and he’s soo not worth that space. So yesterday I thought I was going to die jogging the first 7 1/2 mins I made it through but my head was pounding like crazy so I admit I kind of cheated. I went and played tennis then every few mins jumped on and jogged another few mins until I made 15 but if I didnt do that I wouldnt have made it. By the end of the workout my headache was gone. I also spent some time with my mom last night watch the world dumbest criminals. We were laughing having a good time. oh and I discovered yesterday I’m taller than I thought. I’ve been 5′7 since I was like 15 so the other day and friend was like man did you get taller and I wasl ike no I dont think so. I checked Im 5′8 and a half! My legs were hurting a few months back. I guess thats what that was. Now I feel tall for some reason lol. Hmmm… what else ? I maintained this week but Im pretty sure its because Im pushing my body farther than I ever have. Plus yesterday I did eat as good as I could have, I over ate but stayed within my calories just felt like a heffer after eating too much sooo now I know dont do that! I know my body is changing and I can feel mucsles in places I couldnt before…my legs are looking amazing lol. I showed them bad boys off last night. Clothes are fitting in ways they didnt before. I let the scale not moving bum me out for like a few mins then I listened to this song and was like oh right duh there will be lots more weeks where it doesnt move but that doesnt mean Im not changing both inside and out. When Im older Im going to look back at this year and just be amazing by how I turned my life around in 09. This year will effect every year after and the many lives of people I will come in and out of contact with. Im a stronger person. Im trying to let go of my pride and hang on to my faith..my faith in myself and the things I was place here to accomplish. I will never forget this year and this site and all you ladies who inspire me and push me on days I can’t even push myself. I feel so much better and I was thinking this is just the beginning!! The firstm onth isnt even over yet woohoo. Everyday we wake up to face a new hill to climb some we will run atop and conqouer in moments some we will slip back down hanging on to the edge with all our might hoping we dont fall. We can do this. This song has helped me so much in the last few days since I discovered it. Its not even out yet lol. Oh and I was thinking bout how people say the first so and so is the hardest. Well jogging Im saying the first 100 are the hardest so I will have a ticker to get me past that ifrst 100 miles. I can do it. Thanks ladies for being so mazing…check out these lyrics they are amazing!!

Video-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNOiDn_Aj6Y&feature=related

Lyrics-

I can almost see it.
that dream I’m dreaming, but
there’s a voice inside of my head, tellin’
you’ll never reach it
every step I’m takin’
every move I make
feels lost in no direction,
my faith is shakin’
but I gotta keep tryin’
gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
always gonna be an uphill battle
sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
ain’t about how fast I get there
ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
it’s a climb

The struggles I’m facing
the changes I’m taking
sometimes they knock me down, but
no I’m not breaking
I may not know where, but
these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most
I’ve just gotta keep goin’, and
I gotta be strong
just keep pushing on, but

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
always gonna be an uphill battle
sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
ain’t about how fast I get there
ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
it’s a climb

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
always gonna be an uphill battle
sometimes I’m gonna have to lose
ain’t about how fast I get there
ain’t about what’s waitin’ on the other side
it’s a climb

Keep on movin’
keep climbin’
keep faith baby
It’s all about, it’s all about
the climb
keep the faith, keep your faith, woah

So I had an amazing work out yesterday and I did 4mins!! woohoo I almost gave up but Debbies cheering for me stuck in my head and there i went. I got 15 1/2 mins yesterday. Today I did my jogging before tennis today. Let me tell you Ive never sweated that much in my life lol it was pouring. I didnt want to jog the entire 15mins, I told myself I would just go 12 but I worked it out to 15mins. So lots of great work out.

 Today in class I was sitting and my back has been hurting so I sat up straight for awhile. Like normal posture because normally I slouch over because well I have big boobs and well a stomach but I noticed correcting my posture helped and made me look thinner. So Im going to work on having better posture in class and walking around. Hopefully with time and more weight loss this will get easier. I use to sit up a lot more because well you have to in music classes but Ive learned to cheat that.

I also need to realize Im losing inches too and if the weight doesnt come off this week its because my body isnt use to wokring out so much so and Im building muscles which Im okay with because more muscle means more calories being burned. Hehe that nutrition class was great. Today at school I got a free gym pass so I will use that at some point soon to get my swim on.

Music classes and French are great. I love my guitar class, my fine motor skills are getting a nice work out. Im enjoying learning and really getting into things. I never thought Id be happy about homework again haha but I am. sidenote I really love the show Hannah Montana…lol i dont know why it jsut makes me happy.,..as most disney things do. Anyways its time to close this blog. Just wantted to update everyone on my wonderful progress. and this song is the funiest thing ever. Its a great work out song heh. Enjoy I love Mika

 video- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89GB7z_Ogt0

 lyrics-

Walks in to the room
Feels like a big balloon
I said, ‘Hey girls you are beautiful’
Diet coke and a pizza please
Diet coke I’m on my knees
Screaming ‘Big girl you are beautiful’

You take your skinny girls
Feel like I’m gonna die
Cos a real woman
Needs a real man is why

You take your girl
And multiply her by four
Now a whole lotta woman
Needs a whole lot more

Get yourself to the Butterfly Lounge
Find yourself a big lady
Big boy come on around
And they’ll be calling you baby

No need to fantasise
Since I was in my braces
A watering hole
With the girls around
And curves in all the right places

Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful

Walks in to the room
Feels like a big balloon
I said, ‘Hey girls you are beautiful’
Diet coke and a pizza please
Diet coke I’m on my knees
Screaming ‘Big girl you are beautiful’

You take your girl
And multiply her by four
Now a whole lotta woman
Needs a whole lot more

Get yourself to the Butterfly Lounge
Find yourself a big lady
Big boy come on around
And they’ll be calling you baby

No need to fantasise
Since I was in my braces
A watering hole
With the girls around
And curves in all the right places

Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful

Get yourself to the Butterfly Lounge
Find yourself a big lady
Big boy come on around
And they’ll be calling you baby

No need to fantasise
Since I was in my braces
A watering hole
With the girls around
And curves in all the right places

Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Oh you are beautiful

Get yourself to the Butterfly Lounge
Find yourself a big lady
Big boy come on around
And they’ll be calling you baby

No need to fantasise
Since I was in my braces
A watering hole
With the girls around
And curves in all the right places

Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Big girls you are beautiful
Oh you are beautiful

Get yourself to the Butterfly Lounge
Find yourself a big lady
Big boy come on around
And they’ll be calling you baby

No need to fantasise
Since I was in my braces
A watering hole
With the girls around
And curves in all the right places

Big girls you are beautiful

So this weekend was fun but pretty drama filled. A guy at work was saying bad things about me to another empolyee then lyed to me about it, when I went to him just to ask him if it was true and tell him if he had something to say Id appriciate it if he was an adult about it and came to me or our boss, he lied and sang my prasies then told me the other coworker (who came to me about what he was saying) was the one saying stuff…needless to say you cant lie to someone who once upon a time was a should have been oscar winning actress/pathalogical lyer with the crap I use to pull. So I caught his many slip ups in his piling lies. Instead of getting mad or accusing after working it all out I just sat them both down together and said look I dont want to not trust either of you so from now on if you have something to say please do. If you feel Im not doing my job feel free to spend a day working with me and I will show you everything I do. So something I could have easily blown up I let go. I know who I can trust and who I can not. Its just a job not my life or future. I love my job though. Aww, Im growing up.

So my workout saterday wasnt so good because while at the gym all these calls were coming in. And yesterday I was cold and dog tired after work and hungry so I wantted to binge so bad on chinese but I thought about it and was like normally I would get all this stuff but my body only needs less than half of that. So I got one meal and ate until I was full not satified my feelings. Then instead of eating the rest as I was very tempted to I just trashed it. My mentality is changing. OH and yay the other day I put on this sweater I got for my 21st bday in 07 and it never fit right. It never like zipped without feeling tight. The other day I put it on and zipped it and it ZIPPED NORMAL!! WOOHOO. This jogging challenge is kicking my butt but its almost putting it in shape lol. Its the little things that matter. I just had some pudding and chocolate chips yum 130cals Im full but in like an hour Im going to go work out. Here I come goal weight. Then I will come home and make my spagetti (this weeks meal yum) and Im going to work on a healthier choc chip cookie recepie, that will be this weeks dessert. This song is kind of long but I really love T.I and Rianna and this song is really a great message.ps at the beginning T.I sounds liek eminim talking. Anyways ladies the point is Ive learned no one can touch me inside or out unless I let them. Thats right someones always going to be hating so just shoot them back with positivity then just keep fighting because more than likely they will either join your side or just fade away

Video-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-61Cujl3BE

Lyrics-
(Rihanna):
You’re gonna be a shining star, with fancy clothes, and fancy car-ars.
And then you’ll see, you’re gonna go far.
Cause everyone knows, just who you are-are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.
You Steady Chasin that paper.
Just live your life (Oh! ), ay ay ay.
Ain’t got no time for no haters
Just live your life (Ay! ), ay ay ay.
No telling where it’ll take ya.
Just live your life (Oh! ), ay ay ay.
Cause I’m a paper chaser.
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)
Just living my life

(T.I.):
Never mind what haters say, ignore them ’til they fade away.
Amazing they ungrateful after all the game I gave away.
Safe to say I paved the way, for you cats to get paid today.
You still be wasting days away now had I never saved the day.
Consider them my protégé, homage I think they should pay.
Instead of being gracious, they violate in a major way.
I never been a hater still I love them, in a crazy way.
Some say they so yay and no they couldn’t get work on Labor day.
It aint that they black or white, their hands a area the shade of grey.
I’m West side anyway, even if I left the day it stayed away.
Some move away to make a way not move away cause they afraid.
I’ll go back to the hood and all you ever did was take away.
I pray for patience but they make me want to melt they face away.
Like I once made them scream, now I could make them plead their case away.
Been thuggin’ all my life, can’t say I don’t deserve to take a break.
You’d rather see me catch a case, and watch my future fade away.

(Rihanna):
You’re gonna be a shining star, with fancy clothes, and fancy car-ars.
And then you’ll see, you’re gonna go far.
Cause everyone knows, just who you are-are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.
Instead of chasing that paper.
Just live your life (Oh! ), ay ay ay.
You got no time for no haters
Just live your life (Oh! ), ay ay ay.
No telling where it’ll take ya.
Just live your life (Oh! ), ay ay ay.
Cause I’m a paper chaser.
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)
Just Livin My Life.

(T.I.):
I’m the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished with the spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid.
Allergic to the counterfeit, impartial to the politics.
Articulate but still would grab a nigga by the collar quick.
Whoever havin problems, with they record sale just holla TIP.
If that don’t work and all else fails, then turn around and follow TIP.
I got love for the game but ay I’m not in love with all of it.
I do without the fame and the rappers nowadays are comedy.
The hootin’ and the hollerin’, back and forth with the arguing.
Where you from, who you know, what you make and what kind of car you in.
Seems as though you lost sight of what’s important with the positive.
And checks until your bank account, and you’re about poverted.
Your values is a disarrayed, prioritizing horribly.
Unhappy with the riches cause you miss-poor morally.
Ignoring all prior advice and fore warning.
And we mighty full of ourselves all of a sudden aren’t we?

(Rihanna):
You’re gonna be a shining star, with fancy clothes, and fancy car-ars.
And then you’ll see, you’re gonna go far.
Cause everyone knows, just who you are-are.
So live your life, ay ay ay.
Instead of chasing that paper.
Just live your life (Oh! ), ay ay ay.
You got no time for no haters
Just live your life (Oh! ), ay ay ay.
No telling where it’ll take ya.
Just live your life (Oh! ), ay ay ay.
Cause I’m a paper chaser.
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)
Just living my life (ay), my life (oh), my life (ay), my life (oh)

[Rihanna]
Now everybody watchin what I do
Come walk in my shoes
And see the way that I’m livin if you really want to
I got my mind on my money and I’m not goin nowhere
So keep on gettin yo paper(ah ah)
And keep on climbin
Look in the mirror
And keep on shinin
Til the game end
Til the clock stop
We gon’ post up on the top spot
Livin’ the life, the lifeIn the brand new city
Got my whole team with me
Livin my life, my life
I do it how I wanna do
I’m livin’ my life, my life
I will never loose ‘em
Livin my life, my life
And I’m not stoppinSo live your life.

PS. Thank you soo much Anj for the kind words and the nomination for buddyslimmer of the week, it really means a lot to me coming from such a speical and inspiring lady as yourself. I cant wait to make goals liek you have so far!

Ugh full….I ate too much. Not bad just too much. In the middle of my slice of pie with whip cream I put it down without thinking. I did that because my body was telling me I was full and I didnt listen, I picked it back up and finished.  Its okay Im still learning. I feel fit and healthier though. School today was amazing. I had such a great time in my classes even though some of them I was pretty much learning the same thing (some music classes over lap the first weeks) Well no treadmill today because the treadmill was taken for like the entire hour I was there so I just played angery tennis. I let all the things that just pissed me off about me people fully took over and I played hard. I imgined ever hit was a hit towards the people who have wronged me. I beat the crap out of those balls and it was fantastic. Sorry I missed our challenge today Anj but I feel I did a good amount of jogging in the tennis courts. I really let a lot of my agression and built up stress out tonight. I plan to keep thinking liek that more. Letting it out in a positive manner. I didnt leave the gym upset either I made sure the last song was postive and I imagined knocking down the walls in my life. Well goodnight ladies see you tomorrow girls. I love this song so much lol

Video-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfZUxPF7AMI

Lyrics-

We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world
I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
are said too much
They’re not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see

I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Hey ladies? How are you doing? I’m doing fantastic. Today was my first day of school. I only have two classes today it was nice. I have some brushing up to do. I am tired, my body is beat from another great workout. Im a little worried I might have over done it, so tomorrow Im going to bring it back a notch or two. Tomorrow is another great day. I made pot roast today mmm and a homemade apple pie. mmm Lots of yummy stuff I made to eat throughout the week. I was going to get vanilla ice cream to go with it but decided low fat whip would be better and lower cals. Yay me! Tomorrow will be a budy day but Im ready for it. I have the best homemade apple pie receipe I love making apple pies lol. Im such a nerd and my pot roast came out excellent this time. I made enough for lunches and such for the week. Im so proud of how Im doing like I can actually feel my mind processing and changing how I eat. Im like I need to bring food to eat for a snack or Im like not too much or too little. Im aware of what Im drinking. Like if Im having enough water or not. I also am not depriving myself Im eating good things and things I want just in moderation. I feel the changes and I cant wait to see more results. The other day I mesasured myself and I lost between 4-5inches off my body. Much more to go! Yay, Such a great time. I’m trying to get in bed earlier. I am exaushed right now and its only 10 so Ill be in bed in an hour snoozing away hopefully. Im making my breakfast for tomorrow now too. Im ready for it yum yum hehe Lets keep kicking butt ladies!!! Good luck and remember its your life and its now or never!

 Video-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g50vzZzAja0

Lyrics-

This ain’t a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain’t gonna be just a face in the crowd
You’re gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

It’s my life
It’s now or never
I ain’t gonna live forever
I just want to live while I’m alive
(It’s my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I’m alive
It’s my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow’s getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain’t even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

OMG, Let me tell you I was stressing out since friday about the dumbest thing in the world. Like really it was crazy dumb haha Not so much stressing as trying to get everything set up for this group Im in. As many of you know I am in fact a 14year old girl stuck in a 22yo’s body. I adore most things disney. But my fav. the ones that have given me more strength than they will ever know in the last year is the Jonas Brothers……I know lol. I can’t help it since the day I first heard their music in 06 I just love them. They are such positive upbeat boys. Yes they are cute but thats not it, when I hear their music is makes me feel better. I work out to their cd’s almost everytime I go to the gym. Anyways they had a live chat today. Im so proud of them I remember when they had little to no fans now there was 100,000 people watching their live chat, thats insane. So amazingly enough as question I asked them in all that was one they answered!!! It just made my day so speical. And they sang my fav song of theirs. I was thinking after that how one person’s kindness can change another’s life. There was a little girl in my work today and I was chatting with her ,she liekd hannah montana and the jonas brother. she was liek 13 and her freakin dad had the nerd to tell her not to get something because she was too plump…She frowned looking embaressed….I almost lost my job today ….I literally in my head flew over the counter and strangled the man…in my head mind you…lol…outside I looked at the girl smiled and said “Well I think your beautiful just the way you are, and don’t believe anyone who says anything different.” She got this big grin on her face and the father stammered somehtingl iek I didnt mean it liek that but Im pretty sure he got the point. I’ve always believed in the idea of killing someone with kindness. I dont care if everyone else is doing the negative things these days Im doing the positive one end of story.

 Im excited about this week it kicked off with the live chat then tomorrow the jogging challenge starts and all this stuff I get to go out and do before schools starts tuesday! And Obama! A new president can you imagine dreaming of being the first black president as a child then actually getting to stand in that place one day. He must be sooo amazed, so in awe of his dreams coming true. And here we are fighting for dreams that are so much more obtainable, so close within our grasp. I say if Walt Disneys dream of 3D films can come true, and the thought o living in a majorly non biased society can be a relatety, then I know I can lose this weight. If we all shoot for our dreams and never look down I truely believe we can make this world a better place. I’m almost in tears thinking of all the blood,sweat, guts and heart it took to make some of the worlds biggest dreams to come true, all those people on that plane the other day that landed in the Hudson are so blessed, not one died and I know that pilet was flying with angels on his side. This world is full of unthinkable wonders just waiting to be discovered, so I want to learn to take care of myself and build myself up enough that I can go out and find myself my personal 3d movie/preidency/saving a planeful of people/ just answering a question for a fan making them feel so much better. I know I can if I just believe. Think of what you want, what you really want without any interuptions from him or her or them, you….what do you want. Do you have it? Can you see it? Feel it? Smell it? Taste it? Be it? Begin right now, live it, be it, embrace it, dont forget it. Take your dreams and run with them. My dreams would mean nothing without amazing family and friends liek you girls. This song everytime I hear it is such a inspiration a reminds me of my family and god, and dreaming. One of my favorite line in a song is in this song “More and more I start to realize, I can reach my tomorrow I can hold my head up high, and it all because your by my side” That part right there brought me back to life last year with god and my family.

Video-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZBoPlCzuRY

Lyrics-

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I’ve been looking for that someone,
I’ll never make it on my own.
Dreams can’t take the place of loving you,
There’s gotta be a million reasons why it’s true

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything’s alright,
When you’re right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can’t take a day without you here,
You’re the light that makes my darkness disappear.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything’s alright,
When you’re right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head high,
And it’s all because you’re by my side.

When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything’s alright,
When you’re right here by my side.
When I hold you in my arms
I know that it’s forever
I just gotta let you know
I never wanna let you go

Cause when you look me in the eyes.

And tell me that you love me.
Everything’s alright,
When you’re right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.
Oh

Thanks for reading this a supporting my dreams

So like 5mins ago I was sitting here about to fall asleep lol but then my boss jsut called me and said I didnt have to work tonight, I should be sad cuz I need the hours buttt Im getting my student loan htis month so I dont really need the hours. So now Im pretty hyper, I wasnt going to work out tongiht but now I am for sure. Im going to go get my sister and we shall have a great workout yay! So I gained 2lbs today and the funny thing is normally that would kill me but nope just made me stronger I know one I derseved lol I ate poorly and didnt workout the first part of the week and Im pretending th other is muscle but next week better watch out cuz TOM iwll be gone and Im fighting for a big loss!! So I saw lovely blog today and it got me thinking I should make a list of reasons why I am doing this and I will post it on my page and add to it heres my list of off the top of my head htings

Playing with my neice and newphews without my back hurting

One day playing with my kids

Learning a healthy lifestyle so I can teach it to my family

Because Im worth more than Ive been treating myself

I want to fit in my clothes in my closet again and not feel self counsious about them

I want to fit in smaller sizes 18,16,14,12,10 and maybe even 8 one day

I want to be able to jog everyday for long periods of time just listening to my music withouth feeling like Im going to die lol

Going up and down stairs without get winded

Going on a cruise and feelings great on the dance floor

Not feeling like the biggest person in the room

Feeling completely comfortable on stage

Going to the mall and being able to fit into there clothes

Feeling comfortable enough with myself I relearn how to rollerblade, learn how to surf, play touch football, and learn some trapiz

Sit in all seats/rides comfortably

To see the look on my older brothers face when he sees all the weightIve lost

Motivate my sister/mom/dad to take care of themselfs better

For my back and ankle to not hurt often

My family has a history of type 2 diabeties and Ive lways been borderline, to not worry bout that when im older

To prove to myself I can do anything sending me to my other biggest dreams in life

On my wedding day I can wear any dress I want not just plus size

Feeling comfortable enough with myself that when I do get married I can have a great sex life yeah I went there

Thats enough for now Im sure there is sooo much more but Ill add more later. Im so happy I dont have to work lol Im going to go sepnd some time with my family and pay my cell phone bill.  Ladies have a good weekend!! This is a great song works well for many different journeys that are happening to all of us right now. Hope you enjoy…do you guys enjoy the songs lol I can never tell but I do so I keep [oting them…this song reminds me of my family cuz i will be movign away soon enough and my brothers in the miltary and my other brother is all over the place and the bridge id give up for just one more day with you reminds me of my grandmother…hold your family tight everyone! love you all!

video- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksm-wuwep7M

lyrics-

If I could I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you to where this all began
We could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind
And make believe there’s something left to find

We’ll be miles apart
I’ll keep you deep inside
You’re always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you’re always in my heartNow we’ve all grown up, gone on and moved away
Nothing I can do about it, nothing I can say
To bring us back to where we were when life was not this hard
Looking back it all just seems so far, so far away

We’ll be miles apart
I’ll keep you deep inside
You’re always in my heart
A new life to start
I may be leaving but you’re always in my heart

I’d give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I’d give it up for just one more day with youI’d give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up for just one more day
I’d give it up for just one more day with you

Whats going on, on the floor…lol love that song!Hey ladies writing you from my fav place work lol. Im at my Cold Stone Creamry and let me tell you my mind is trying to convince my body to gang up on and me pretend I want ice cream but I promised myself Im in control and if I stay good I will get a treat when I get home, a healthy treat that wont ruin my day. Im going to eat my din din in like 10mins. I can do this. I kept thinking about you ladies and that weight in tomorrow. I dont want to let you down even with TOM here. Today was a rough day getting out of bed and I almost didnt go to gym before work( I NEVER do and I did today soo mad props to me!) I ran another 5mins straight!!!!woot woot! I had some great music pushing me. I’m getting really great at tennis. So I’m really proud of myself and all you ladies for how far we’ve come. Were are amazing and really doing it. I feel the need to work out now like not working out would make me feel all blah, my enegy level and general happiness is so much higher and I realize this isnt only a weight struggle but a health struggle both physical and mental.

This journey is sooo much more than counting calories, its learning how to count on yourself and holding yourself accountable for your actions. It’s learning about yourself and taking a deep look inside saying why am I this way? Why do I need food to comfort me? For me its feeling stressed about having to be perfect (but I realize I dont now) and lonelyiness(but I realize Im not) and of course failture, I use to feel I was letting everyone down! (but I know now how much peopel look up to me and love me) Working from within is an amazing thing. I remember how I use to always say I wantted to be one of those girls who runs all the time and lives a healthy active lifestyle…Im working on it and I am it in a lot of ways.

 When I was a teenager like 14 I almost killed myself, I didnt have a rough childhood, nothing was wrong really and yet everything was wrong in my head and my heart. It was such a heartbreaking time in my life now that I look back. This song litally saved my life, it came on moments before I almost did something really stupid. I thought you ladies might like it. I still love it and believe it with all my heart.

Video- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZ7ZvxXvn90

Lyrics-

Hey,
Don’t write yourself off yet.
It’s only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.
Just try your best,
Try everything you can.
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves
When you’re away.

[Chorus]
It just takes some time,
Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright. (alright)

Hey,
You know they’re all the same.
You know you’re doing better on your own, (on your own)
So don’t buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough (good enough)
For someone else.

[Chorus x2]

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet.
It’s only in your head you feel left out, (feel left out)
Or looked down on.
Just do your best, (just do your best)
Do everything you can. (do everything you can)
And don’t you worry what their bitter hearts (bitter hearts)
Are gonna say.

I dont know whats wrong with me today but I feel liek a little freakin kid! I am just so hyper and happy. I just want to run around and jump on things and shout from moutains. hahahah I know Ive lots my mind again its okay though better than sad. Today I decided to add another class the next semester to make it a full 18hours I added a monday night acting class hehe soo exciting. Ive taken many acting classes and they are just so fun so I figured it would be a great way to meet people and stuff. So this acting class is a good thing heh. I am just so excited at all the wonders the future holds and all my dreams. I am havign buissness cards made up for my label! Can you believe that? Ive been dreaming of this since forever and here it is! Im ordering all the equiptment I need next week and were planning a cruise to the bahamas in March on the same days my boys will be there so Im seeing the Jonas brothers again in march!!! yay!! hehe everythings falling into place and Im not sick and my ankle is better and my back feels better. ohhh I forgot to tell u today at the gym I jogged 5mins straight no stopping!!!! I normally can barely go 3mins! and TOM is here! So I ended up with my first in a long time 13min mile!!!!! Im so proud of myself and my sister so getting our butts to the gym the last two days! Im just so full of life. I hope you ladies are doing as well as I am and if your not you catch a little of my hyperness. Working out is like such a thrill to me these days it really is but having my sister as a gym buddy helps me a lot too! Have a great day as I did. I tracke all my cals today too. tomorrow will be another wonderful day! Think positive! I take this song and think of all those helping me and makign me who i am today

Video-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hs0HELcUYUY

Lyrics-

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It’s the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call
I’ve been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn’t see that it was right here
But now I know what I didn’t know

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It’s alright, I survived, I’m alive again
Cuz of you, made it through every storm
What is life, what’s the use if you’re killing time
I’m so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Because you live there’s a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you’ve given me alwaysBecause you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has everything I need to survive

Because you live, I live, I live

Hello all!!! Im back on top!! Im back in the game and on my wagon! In fact Im the conducter!!!!! woot woot lets go ladies, new year new us!! My nails are growing! They havent grown liek this in years. Next week school starts so that means school gym and swimming pool is back in the game. I go to school monday-thrusday 8am to 2:30 pm with a lunch break from 11:30 to 12:30. I have to get my body ready for this shock of early mornings again. I know I can do it! I just have ot get my body it get into it. This first week will be rough I know and def naps will be needed but I can do it. Im going to make my breakfast’s the night before and heat them up in the morning then Ill take a nice hoogie for a healthy lunch, I also picked up some nice little snacks crackers, cheese, apple sauce stuff liek that for in between.

 I think one of the hardest things for me is realizing I dont eat just once or twice a day naymore. Im eating to fuel my day throughtout my day so I have to eat every few hours or I will get hungry and crave bad things. For so many years now Ive only ate once or twice I seriously forget which is so unhealthy so now I will plan the meals out the night before and even prepare breakfast and lunch. Then after class I will go for a nice swim to boost my energy and keep my body pumping. I’m going to need to get a good water holder too to make sure my body stays hydrated throughout the day as well. Im ready to get structure in my life and turn it around. I feel going back to school is going to help boost my weight loss so much. Im sooo happy and ready for htis! Got to embrace it!

So today I was thinking of really great fun workout songs and Im not sure why but I really love this song, I can dance around to it and just really get into it and though the message is not super positive in a strange way it can be. When I was younger I use to be really into getting even with people or revenge but I know how dumb that is now. I realize life isnt fair and when someone wrongs you to take it as a learning lesson and to move on. But this song is a fun concept and when I work out sometimes I like to imagine my new self talking to my old self the old mentallity I had that was so down

Video- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAdrnurHaTQ

lyrics-

I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place.
And you’re still probably working
At a 9 to 5 pace
I wonder how bad that aches

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell

Now where’s your picket fence love
And where’s that shiny car
Did it ever get you far?
You never seem so dead slow
Never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?

Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I’m lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that’s worth a damn and treats you well
Then he’s a fool you’re just as well hope it gives you hell
I hope it gives you hell

Tomorrow you’ll be thinking to yourself
Where did it all go wrong?
But the list goes on and on
Truth be told I miss you
Truth be told I’m lying

When you see my face
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that’s worth a damn and treats you well
Then he’s a fool you’re just as well hope it gives you hell

Now you’ll never see
What you’ve done to me
You can take back your memories
They’re no good to me
And here’s all your lies
You can look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well

When you see my face
hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
I hope it gives you hell, I hope it gives you hell
If you find a man that’s worth a damn and treats you well
Then he’s a fool you’re just as well hope it gives you hell